Why the Imbalance Between Transactional and Relational Communication is Undermining Society

Introduction 

We live in a world that moves fast. Too fast. In this relentless pursuit of efficiency, convenience, and productivity which has been turbocharged by technology, something fundamental is slipping through our fingers our ability to truly connect with one another. You know what I mean, the kind of communication that reminds us of our shared humanity. The kind that gives us confidence, brings joy, faith in each other and the feeling that we are not alone. This lack of meaningful connection is really bad for us. 

At the heart of this shift is an imbalance between two key types of communication: transactional and relational. The former gets things done. The latter builds who we are. And increasingly, the world we live in driven by technology, performance metrics, and AI-fuelled automation favours the former over the latter. 

This skew, I believe, is at the root of many of our modern ailments: anxiety, depression, disconnection, polarisation, and the rise of toxic online subcultures. It’s not that transactional communication is inherently bad. It’s that we’ve allowed it to dominate, often at the expense of our humanity. 

What is Transactional Communication? 

Transactional communication is, at its core, an exchange. It’s functional. It’s outcome-focused. You want something from me. I provide it. Done. 

You see it everywhere: 

• Ordering a coffee: “Flat white, please. No sugar.” 
• Booking an appointment: “Can you do Thursday at 3pm?” 
• Office emails: “Just checking if you saw my last message…” 

It’s brief, efficient, and largely emotionless. It’s the language of business, logistics, and commerce—designed to reduce friction, maximise speed, and get results. And it works. In a world built on productivity, transactional communication is king. 

But there’s a cost. 

What is Relational Communication? 

Relational communication, by contrast, is about being rather than doing. It’s not focused on a specific goal or output, but on the connection between people. It might be subtle, meandering, even inefficient. And that’s precisely the point. 

It sounds like: 

• “How are you really doing?” 
• “Tell me more…” 
• “What do you think about…” 

Relational communication is the glue of families, friendships, communities. It allows for vulnerability, empathy, and authenticity. It’s where trust is built and maintained. It’s where we remember that we are not machines optimising outputs—but human beings, with messy, rich emotional worlds. This is the foundation of social wellbeing which underpins real happiness within communities  

Key Differences 

Understanding the distinction isn’t just academic—it’s transformative. Here’s where the two diverge: 

• Purpose: Transactional communication aims to complete a task; relational communication aims to strengthen a bond. 

• Efficiency: Transactional is fast and lean. Relational takes time and emotional presence. 

• Emotional Depth: Transactional avoids emotion; relational thrives in it. 

• Power Dynamics: Transactional often reflects hierarchy (boss to employee, seller to buyer); relational invites equality and mutual respect. 

• Memory: We forget transactional exchanges almost instantly. But we remember relational moments for years. 

Benefits and Challenges of Each Style 

Let’s be fair both styles have their place. 

Transactional communication: 

•  Strengths: It drives action, gets results, and simplifies life. It’s ideal for deadlines, logistics, and decision-making. 

•  Drawbacks: Overused, it can make us feel like cogs in a machine. Relationships become hollow. People begin to feel isolated. 

Relational communication: 

• Strengths: It nurtures belonging, builds trust, and deepens understanding. It is the birthplace of empathy. 

•  Drawbacks: It requires time, vulnerability, and emotional labour—not always easy in high-pressure environments. 

The danger is not in either style. It’s in the imbalance. And right now, we are tilted too far in one direction. 

When to Use Each Style 

There’s no single right answer. A healthy communicator knows when to switch gears. 

• In a crisis, transactional communication can save lives. 
• In a marriage, overusing it can ruin them. 
• In the workplace, it keeps projects moving—but won’t build loyalty. 
• With friends, too much transactional talk can feel cold or shallow. 

It’s a bit like driving. You need to know when to shift gears, when to accelerate, when to coast, and when to pull over for a proper conversation. 

 How to Identify Your Style 

Start by noticing your default mode of interaction: 

• Do you rush through conversations, eager to “get to the point”? 
• Do people around you feel like colleagues or companions? 
• When’s the last time someone opened up to you emotionally? 
• Do you struggle with silence in a conversation? 
• Are your interactions more about what’s being said or how it’s being said? 

If your days are full of fast, clipped exchanges, it’s possible you’re relying too heavily on transactional communication. If you avoid difficult topics or emotional conversations, you might be skirting around relational discomfort. 

Awareness is step one. 

Tips to Balance Both Styles

Want to restore a little more humanity to your daily life? Try this: 

1. Pause before responding – Instead of replying instantly, take a moment to notice why you’re responding. Is this about efficiency or empathy? 
2. Ask open-ended questions – “How did that feel?” or “What was that like for you?” invites depth. 
3. Practise presence – Eye contact, body language, and undivided attention are relational signals. 
4. Create space – Not every conversation needs a purpose. Make room for aimless chats or shared silences. These conversations can have enormous hidden benefits. 
5. Acknowledge emotions – Even in professional settings, recognising how someone feels builds trust and improves team dynamics. 
6. Be intentional with tech – Voice notes, video calls, or face-to-face chats can foster connection better than texts or emails. Think long term not quick win. 

This doesn’t mean you have to spill your guts in every meeting or talk for hours with the barista. It just means remembering that behind every transaction is a human being—just like you. 

The Social Consequences of the Imbalance 

When we over-prioritise transactional communication, society begins to fragment. You can see it everywhere—from the epidemic of loneliness in young people to the rise of ideologically extreme online subcultures. Why? Because without relational communication, people lack the spaces where they feel seen, heard, and understood.  

Let’s be specific: 

• Anxiety and Depression: These often stem from a lack of connection. When most interactions are purely functional, we begin to feel invisible. We might be surrounded by people—but emotionally, we’re alone. 

• Loneliness: A brief “How are you?” in a WhatsApp message doesn’t replace the warmth of a shared laugh, the reassurance of eye contact, or the patience of someone truly listening. And as AI becomes more integrated into our lives—as digital companions, virtual assistants, or even customer service agents—we risk outsourcing human roles to algorithms that can simulate empathy but never truly offer it. 

• Red-Pill Culture and Polarisation: In the absence of real-world, emotionally grounded conversations, people retreat into online echo chambers. There, communication is combative, performative, and transactional by design. It’s not about learning—it’s about winning. Or worse, belonging to something that preys on disconnection. 

• Manipulation and Vanity: When our primary interactions are transactional—likes, shares, comments, metrics—we start performing for each other rather than connecting. We shape our identities around attention rather than authenticity. Social media platforms, powered by AI, know this. They’re designed to reward the transactional: fast content, binary emotions, controversy over nuance. 

• Emotional Detachment: As we rely more heavily on AI to handle everyday interactions—chatbots, automated calls, voice assistants—we become desensitised to the subtle, non-verbal nuances of face-to-face communication. In short, we stop practising the skills that make us human. 

The irony is brutal: in a world flooded with communication, we’re speaking to each other less meaningfully than ever before. 

And unless we rebalance—unless we reclaim the relational—we’re heading toward a future where we are more efficient, more connected digitally, and yet more emotionally malnourished than at any point in our species’ history. 

Conclusion 

We are at a cultural crossroads. As AI begins to automate more and more of our daily interactions—from customer service to personal assistants—we’re in danger of forgetting how to be with each other. Transactional communication, now turbocharged by technology, is everywhere. But relational communication? That’s in decline. And we’re seeing the consequences in our mental health, in our politics, and in our fractured communities. 

The Sustainable Human exists to help reverse this trend. To reawaken the skills that make us uniquely human—our empathy, our presence, our ability to listen and be changed by another. These aren’t just “soft skills”. They’re survival skills. In an AI-dominated world, they may well become the only skills that set us apart. 

If any of this resonates with you—if you’ve felt the emptiness of constant productivity, or the ache of not being truly seen—then I invite you to join us. Come and learn with others who feel the same. Not in theory, but in practice. In the room. In real time. With real people. 

Because connection isn’t a luxury. It’s essential.